


My love is selfish I cannot breathe without you

by nobodyshome0



Series: Saints and Sinners [3]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Abusive Parents, Alternate Universe - Human, Blackmail, Bottom Gabriel, Drunk Sex, Fluff and Angst, Gang Violence, Good Lucifer, Hedonism, Human Balthazar, Human Gabriel, Hurt Gabriel, Hurt Lucifer, Hurt Michael, Insecure Michael, Jealous Lucifer, Jealous Michael, Lucifer Needs a Hug, M/M, Michael Needs a Hug, Past Child Abuse, Prequel, Protective Gabriel, Recreational Drug Use, Rivalry, Series, Sex Tapes, Snarky Balthazar, Swingers, Switching, Tattoo Artist Lucifer, Top Balthazar, matt cohen Michael
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-02-06
Updated: 2017-03-06
Packaged: 2018-09-22 12:44:06
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 2
Words: 12,052
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9608096
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nobodyshome0/pseuds/nobodyshome0
Summary: Gabriel Novak's life was destroyed when his brother went missing. He knew his mother was abusive, but he had no idea what she did to his brother till it was too late.He failed to save his brother once, he was willing to go to any lengths to find him. Even if that meant recruiting the likes of Balthazar Roché, a hedonistic former British reality TV star, turned lawyerBalthazar Roché's life was turned upside down the moment Gabriel Novak blackmailed him into helping him, never mind that he was a lawyer not a detective, still he finds himself oddly drawn to the damaged man before him as Gabriel leads him back into the life of debauchery he once rejected for profit. He finds himself falling for someone as broken and wanton as he is.Chuck Shurley always had the worst luck with men, ever since his first love affair ended badly. Yet there is nothing like being thrust into a war between two rivals to get his confidence back. The angel, Michael a man making the transition from military servicemen, to police officer, self righteous and stalwart, but lost without a purpose. And the devil. Lucifer a former gang member turned tattoo artist, whose life was torn apart by a old lover, just trying to pick up the pieces.





	1. Nothing ever becomes real till it is experienced

**Author's Note:**

> this is a story PREQUEL to my (Every saint has a past, and every sinner has a future) and (Never to suffer would never to have been blessed) however I would recommend having read Every saint and at least up to chapter 5 of never to suffer before reading this story to avoid any spoilers. You have been warned.

This is a prequel work check notes for reading order

Balthazar Roché recoiled jerking upright in bed, he took a moment to get his bearings,he was sprawled naked on his stomach across the surface of his bed. His black silk sheets tangled between his legs. He glanced around the room, his eyes stinging from the bright sunlight that was streaming through the diaphanous white curtains, looking for his companion.He was surprised and a little disappointed to find that he was alone.He’d hoped for an encore performance when was a little less pissed.  His memories of last night were hazy at best, but to be honest his best memories were blearly blended with jack and coke, sometimes cocaine. Though most of that was years ago. The noise that woke him was the plaintive wail from his alarm clock. It had ten past seven. He was running late.

He pushed himself up off his stomach, displeased to notice that the used condom still hung off his cock.  It would have been polite for the other man to have given him a hand, as it were. He sighed heavily, he needed a shower, but he had less than half an hour to be in court, a whores bath it was. He stumbled to the bathroom, relieved himself, before quickly turning on the shower.There was still no signs of his companion here, if it weren’t for the condom he’d have thought his memories where just a vivid dream. He grabbed the extendable shower arm and directed the spray of water on the pertinent bits, there was still smears of lube, on the front of his thighs and his hands, he imagine that his performance must have been really shoddy if the other man took off so quickly. He dried off and quickly padded back to his bedroom, he caught his reflection in the mirror on the wall in front of the bed and grinned as he noticed the string of slight bruising along the line of his neck. Love bites. He laughed to himself. At least they enjoyed themselves a little. 

He’d enjoyed himself. The bits he could remember were filled with passionate abandon. Rhythmic writhing in pleasure, and the other man did this thing with his tongue that could only be described as rapturous. He wished he’d caught his name. 

He sauntered over to his closet and begun to dress. He might be English, but he loved a good Italian suit. The Burberry suit was gunmetal blue, with a slight sheen to it that Balthazar loved.He paired it with a pale silver tie. He looked for his favorite set of cufflinks, but they were not where he usually set them on the nightstand. He had a brief fear that perhaps his one night stand took a little souvenir,after all it happened before,but he didn’t have time to check now, he only hoped of all the expensive items at their disposal in his apartment he didn't take the only sentimental trinkets he owned.  

He checked his appearance in the mirror one more time, his bruises were covered, by his suit collar, he had a haze of hair along his jaw,but he didn’t have time to shave. His hair was artfully tousled from a night full of bliss so he didn’t bother trying to change it. He spritzed himself with cologne mostly to hide the scent of Jameson from his coffee. 

He surveyed the rest of his flat, still no signs of his mystery man, he tried in vain to remember what they were drinking or where they met.Typically he would head out to a bar grab a few drinks, it was LA after all, if he didn’t it was a waste. On a good night he might go on the pull if the mood struck him, but that happened less and less these days, he’d left his wild party days behind him when he’d left London, excluding last night apparently, the tabloid vans even stopped following him. Admittedly it wasn’t his choice, but that was neither here nor there. He was running late. He’d already summoned a Uber. He was grateful for his sunglasses as he sprinted towards the car.

***

Gabriel Novak, sat in the lobby. He was told that the man he waiting for was in court. He found himself biting his lip. His next move was a gamble, but it was the gamble of a man at the end of his rope. He’d tried the conventional methods they weren’t working, he might as well be a ghost.  The room smelled expensive, it was the only way to put it. There was a mingle of everyday office smells, coffee, paper, but underneath was richer layers, the smell of the heavy leather chair he sat in, white tea with wood cedar and vanilla, probably a room spray, It also didn’t hurt that he could smell the receptionists chanel N°5 from around the corner.  

He tapped his foot, she glanced up at him disdainfully. She was blonde her hair up in a professional chignon. The black pantsuit she wore suited her. She would normally be his type, he had a soft spot for the naughty librarian look , her glasses only added to the fantasy. He shook his head, trying to clear it. He hadn’t slept,but that was nothing new. What with work, school and his search, he rarely kept standard hours. He ran his hand through his hair pushing it out of his eyes. He needed a shower. His facial hair pricked his hand as he ran a hand over his jaw. His clothes were rumpled, they were the same ones he wore last night. Faded blue jeans, light grey T-shirt, black leather jacket. The one thing new was the small flash drive in his pocket. 

The clock was slowly ticking in the background, he knew he didn’t need to worry about the tick of the clock, he’d requested today off, but the repetitive sound was grating against his nerves. Originally he’d turned down the offer of coffee because of the swirling of his stomach, now he craved the heavenly bean juice, he stood and quickly helped himself to some, it was exactly what he needed, he drank it black and as fast as he could swallow it, practically scalding himself in the process. He’d never really developed a taste for it growing up, his mother had forbidden those sorts of crutches, so he’d survived without her knowledge, mostly on caffeine pills, protein shakes and sex as a teenager. Then again she knew about the sex so maybe he hadn't kept her in the dark as much as he thought. 

He bit his lip again, it was clear that it was becoming a nervous habit, as was the repetitive foot tapping that was clearly beginning to bother the woman waiting behind the desk. He supposed he could try to seduce her. That might waste some of the time while he waited, but that was too close to actually enjoying himself, and now wasn’t the time. 

For now he needed to focus on his hairbrained scheme, he honestly didn’t think it would work. Why would it?  It was an idea fueled with late nights, cocaine, liquor and desperation. 

Still once born he couldn't kill the idea no matter how much he tried.

Balthazar Roché sauntered into the office at ten after ten, he’d been waiting two hours. 

He held a travel mug of coffee in his right hand and a dark brown leather attache case in his left hand. As he entered the room he casually took a drink. 

He walked up to the receptionist desk walking directly past him, not noticing him at all. 

“Uh sir, you have an appointment.” she insisted catching his attention as he moved to walk past her towards his own office. 

He spun to face him, lowering his sunglasses slightly with his right hand so that he could better see him in the low lighting of the office. 

He wasn’t sure what he saw when he looked at him. He was a lawyer, and a politician's son, Gabriel imagined that he was used to assessing people. Gabriel tried, briefly, to imagine what someone like him would see when they looked at him. He definitely wouldn’t see the years of emotional abuse and unhealthy coping methods he developed living with his mother, or the near constant guilt ravaging him just beneath the surface. He wouldn't see the real him, just the categories. 

Young, and not wealthy, so the pay wouldn’t likely be good enough to afford a lawyer of his caliber. He might sense the desperation he felt, read the weeks and months of fitful sleep in the shadows under his eyes or the new gauntness to his features. 

His assessment took only a matter of seconds, not enough for Gabriel to get his own read on the man. Though he looked very different from the last time he saw him, then again he was sober, and dressed. His mussed hair, sunglasses, and scruff, gave a roguish air yet his fifteen hundred plus dollar suit told a different story, of wealth and urbanity.

He set his attache case  down crossing the room he extended his hand out to shake his.

“Balthazar Roché” he murmured in greeting. Gabriel felt a warm slither of arousal crawl through him, but he tried to focus. Gabriel was beginning to doubt his summation that the man was sober as he caught a the barest whiff of something as his coffee passed him. 

“Gabriel Novak.” he supplied. 

“Come into my office.” he murmured genially

Balthazar turned away from the potential client. His head was killing him, the little bit of whiskey he’d put in his now cold coffee had done nothing to assuage it. 

“Has Angie offered you anything?” he asked pausing thinking of the bottles of water they usually offered clients. Perhaps he was just dehydrated. 

The other man nodded.

“I had some coffee.” he said in way of assuring him. 

“Of course.” he murmured. Turning back to his office. 

The bookshelf took up most of the space, filling the space along the back wall behind his desk, but it was window dressing. He’d never so much as hefted any of the books from their place on the shelf, to leaf through their pages, because they were fake. He liked to think of it as the very symbol of his existence, the image and the essence of sophistication and professionalism, without substance. 

“Have a seat.” he insisted indicating the leather armchair. 

The other man gingerly lowered himself into the chair. 

He was young, far younger than his average client, then again most of his clients were well into their fifties. His hair was sandy brown hair was longish, it continuously fell into his face as he glanced down into his lap. He bit his lip, there was something familiar about the unconscious gesture.  

Balthazar moved around his desk. It was real wood, it gleamed beneath the sheen of wood varnish. 

It still faintly smelled like lemons.

it was orderly, unlike his personal office he chose to use a laptop, it took less space and was easily portable if he wanted to take a working lunch.  He opened up his case and set his laptop the black matt on his desk. 

“What brought you here today.” he queared leaning back in his desk.

There was a strange expression on his face.

As he turned to dig into his jacket pocket. He removed a small black flash drive.

“I want to show you something.” he insisted holding out the drive across the expanse of his desk. 

Balthazar sighed.

“I don’t take slip and fall cases no matter how stupendous the video footage is.”

He bit his lip again, and Balthazar was again struck with how familiar it was.

“It’s not that.” He assured. His tone somehow sounded resigned.

Balthazar rarely took information from clients like this. There was too much potential for virus or some other form of fraud, but something about the way he handed it over or the expression on his face made him take the flash drive.

The drive only held one file Mov. file. 

Balthazar glanced over at the other man. There was a resolute expression on his face, it had completely changed from the moment he met him. It had hardened making him look older. 

His expression must have asked the question for him.

“Just watch.”  Gabriel insisted softly.

Hesitantly Balthazar clicked on the video.

The picture showed the other man’s face. He was crowding the frame so that Balthazar couldn’t see anything behind him. He was shirtless. His hair was slicked back out of eyes,he was wearing some kind of choker or maybe a collar.  It was clearly amature work, might have been shot with a webcam or maybe a cellphone.  

The audio was rough, he could hear music in the background, something synthy, with a beat, but it clearly was happening in the scene versus being added in for effect. He stepped back and a sinking feeling went through him as he felt his stomach plummet.

Gabriel stepped back into a very familiar space. He recognised the black silk sheets on his bed, and his night stand. 

He moved to lay on his bed.He was naked. 

“What is this?” he asked aghast. 

“Just watch.” Gabriel insisted his tone was forceful, Balthazar spun back to the screen. In the time he looked away the action had progressed. 

Someone,also naked, was joining him on the bed, except Balthazar had no doubt who. Even if he didn’t want to recognize himself in the footage, the very distinctive tattoo of a rainbow colored phoenix across the side of his ribs would no doubt be recognizable to everyone. It had made the round of tabloids before. 

His coming out had been a phenomenal affair…

It was surreal watching himself.  He was laughing, at something the other man said. As he crawled on his hands and knees over to him, across the bed.

He nearly jumped out of his skin when he noticed that Gabriel was at his side. He hadn’t seen the other man stand up

“Let's skip ahead shall we.” he murmured laying his hand over his.

The film jumped Gabriel was down on his knees, Balthazar had his head tossed back clenching his hands into fists pulling at the sheets. He was making ungodly embarrassing noises for the cold sober light of day.

He vaguely remembered that part. 

Gabriel clicked the video forward again. Gabriel was bent over the edge of the mattress. Balthazar was pounding into him from behind, pulling his hair forcing him to arch his back as he pushed back against him. 

Balthazar cleared his throat.

Gabriel paused the film.

“That could be anyone.” he muttered knowing that it was a fool's errand

Gabriel slapped something down on the desk. 

Balthazar looked down at the small silver object, 

It was a small silver personalized cufflink, practically worthless, but he’d know it anywhere.

The initials BSR inscribed.

Balthazar reached past the man pulling open his desk drawer, forcing him to back away from him he removed a small round silver flask, and a bottle of pills. 

Gabriel raised a brow

As he swallowed the pain pills with a several sips of the whiskey. 

“What? I believe we are past the civility of pretending I’m not hungover like the devil.” he complained with a wry smile.

“On a side note what on God’s green earth were we drinking last night?” he asked. 

“Sex on my face” Gabriel replied.

Now it was Balthazar’s turn to raise a brow archly

“I’m assuming that's the name of a drink versus a blow by blow.” 

The other man colored slightly, not very brazen for a blackmailer.

That was what he assumed it was. What else would someone want with a sex tape?

It wasn’t the first time someone had tried this little trick, it had  happened before, in London, but at the time he hadn’t anything to hide. 

“What do you mean to accomplish with this?” 

He wondered aloud.

“I’m sure you know this isn’t the first sex tape of mine to go public.” 

He shot him a withering look.

“You might have been too young?”

Gabriel shook his head.

“Two different times, one 1998  another in 2000 , with a model and an actress I believe.”  

Balthazar frowned, had he researched this? 

“She was a dancer actually, but she did eventually become an adult actress after our little video was made public.”

Balthazar sneered at him, hoping that he could bluff his way out of a damaging situation.

“Looking for your own moment in the limelight?” 

Gabriel continued ignoring the bait, he seemed to have rehearsed his pitch.

“It’s been ten years, you put your wild past behind you joined a prestigious law firm and your father is running for his second term as governor. Some people say he has eyes set on the White House. Your very conservative, anti LGBTQ, father. Those other tapes were with women, how would a gay sex tape scandal, involving his only son affect his chances for election?”  

Balthazar scoffed. His sexuality wasn’t a secret, he’d made sure of that.

“If you know anything about me you’ll know my father and I don’t get on. For that exact reason.” 

what he said was true, he didn’t give a fuck what his father thought of him, but he had been contacted by his father’s  lawyers on his twenty first birthday and while he hated the man he was more than willing to spend his money, which came with strings. A morality clause to rival the great hollywood stars. His father didn’t care what he did, as long as no one found out.

He’d publically cleaned up his act,he moved back to the states, finished law school, his hedonistic ways forced underground. Gabriel took a deep breath, he made a strange face almost as if this next part left a sour taste in his mouth, and maybe it did.

“What about your mother.” a strange sensation not unlike fear went through him, but he didn’t get scared easily.

“She’s sick, isn’t she?” 

“What would something like this do to her health?” 

Balthazar scowled.

He didn’t give a shit about the General, they’d barely spoken in years, since he came out, but his mother was another story.

“How much do you want?” he asked. He was expecting the man to name his price. Blackmailer’s in his experience usually had a figure in mind.

“I don’t want your money” he insisted.

That caught him off guard.

“What do you want?” 

“I want you to help me find my brother.”

Gabriel was surprised when the man began to laugh. Head thrown back full tilt laughter. 

He leaned back in his seat wiping his eyes.

He sat up smiling broadly. 

“Do I look like a bloody detective?” 

He was shaking his head the tension in his shoulders had eased, he took a deep drag from his flask.

“You went so far as to set up this… this.” he rolled his hand trying to find the right word to use.

“...Honeypot scheme all for what?”

“I’m a lawyer, so unless you’ve something more illegal than filming me without my consent get out.”

“I’m desperate.”  

Balthazar paused. He’d stood to shoo him from his office they stood together. Last night Gabriel hadn’t exactly gotten as much time to appreciate how much taller he was than him.

“As flattering as that is I’m afraid, I must take a pass on another round.”

Balthazar blinked as the other man shoved a photograph into his face.

The picture was well worn, he could see the creases from where he normally kept it in his wallet.

It was a photo of a young boy, he was in his early teens, he wasn't smiling in the photo, he was staring vacantly towards the camera clearly wishing the photo session would be over. 

“His name is Jimmy, he’s fifteen years old, he’s been missing for a year and three months. I’ve gone to the police, to private detectives, this, with  _ you... _ ” he practically sneered. “was by no means my first move.” 

“You have money, and access that others can’t and you know how to keep it legal, and if you can’t you know how to get out of it. If you can’t find him, that’s life but if you refuse to help, our little video is going on the internet.”

Balthazar took the picture. It was a yearbook photo. The boy in question looked haunted,He wore a black hoodie and eyeliner rimmed his eyes.  Balthazar was struck by the blueness of his eyes. 

“He’s been missing this long there is a chance he’s already dead.” 

He said the words because he needed to know if the other man would accept them if they were true.  

“I know.” Gabriel agreed looking at the floor.

“You said he was missing? Did he run away? Was he abducted?” 

“They think he ran away.” Gabriel muttered.

“Is that what you think?” Balthazar asked.

Gabriel looked away. Balthazar could see the lost crestfallen look cross his face.

“I don’t know.” he admitted. “I didn’t know him very well.” 

“So this is guilt?” he asked studying him. The other man raised up his chin.

“ This is my fault, I wasn’t there when he needed me, and I’m here to make it right.” 

“You could have just come to me with this.” Balthazar murmured.  

He was a hedonist not a monster, if he’d came to him he would have tried to make things work.  

Gabriel laughed bitterly. 

“I tried.” 

“I sent you letters, I came to your office, I had to set up this meeting with you a month ago to even get your secretary to let me stay in the office.”

“P aralegal.” Balthazar corrected.

Gabriel glared at him.

“What the work environment is competitive Angie deserves all the recognition she gets and more.”

Balthazar conceded that it might not have been the best time. 

“So you planned to seduce me a month ago?” he asked confused.

Gabriel didn’t reply. 

“Are you going to help me or not?” 

“I don’t think I’ve got much of a choice, six months.”

Gabriel frowned.

“ Six months?” 

“You get six months. After that post whatever you want.”

***

The beat was pounding, the lights over head swirling, Gabriel had a drink in his hand, just a beer tonight.While he didn’t drink nearly as much as Balthazar did, he still had a splitting headache.   He had finally convinced his best friend in the world to come out with him tonight and he was going to make the most of it even if guilt was swimming in his stomach. He was celebrating, and while he couldn't tell him everything there was one detail he could share. Chuck coughed sputtering beer. Gabriel smiled he loved flustering him. 

“You ah…. You ah,” he swallowed hard. “ You fucked Balthazar Roché? Wwhat why?”

“You don’t have a celebrity bucket list?” he asked  Chuck shrugged “Yeah, but I'm more talking of like Channing Tatum, Alex Pettyfer,Zac Efron not a British playboy reality tv star,” 

“Well if I run into any of them I’ll make sure to fuck them for you.”    Gabe muttered with a grin. 

Chuck rolled his eyes, “Forget why you fucked him, it's  _ you _ why doesn’t really enter into it he had a pulse,but how?” 

Gabriel shrugged playfully.

“And give away all my trade secrets?”

“Besides I’ve never fucked you.” he insisted throwing his arm around him pulling him close.

“That's not for lack of trying on your part.” he complained carefully extricating himself from his embrace. 

Gabriel just winked.

“But If I didn’t hit on you you’d know something was wrong” he teased. 

Chuck just shrugged.  He wasn’t listening, he was looking across the dance floor.

Gabriel’s eyes followed his. He was watching his ex, who at the moment was grinding up against an equally attractive redhead. 

“How you doing Chuck?” he asked watching his friend. 

He didn’t respond, his face shifted as if he just watched someone kick a puppy

“Earth to Chuck.” he demanded touching his arm.

Chuck blinked finally noticing him…

“Sorry.” he muttered sheepishly.

“Bit of a dry spell?” Gabe asked 

“Er ah… there hasn’t really been any… water, since Seth” he finished pointedly 

Gabe shook his head. Trust Chuck to keep it classy and awkward. It had been over a year since Seth dumped him. Chuck was having trouble moving on.

Gabe leaned in 

“Say the word and I’ll change that for you.” he tantalized, but as per usual Chuck didn’t take the bait, but Gabriel couldn't help but feel flattered at his next words.

“Uh oh.” Chuck murmured. 

“Did I get to you that time?” he asked waggling his eyebrows salaciously. 

“No, but Balthazar Roché is walking over here right now.”  he muttered keeping his head down. 

Gabriel felt a surge of adrenaline go through him, shit.

“I’ll handle this.”  Gabe insisted standing trying to catch him before he reached their table.

“Are you following me?” he asked as soon as he reached him glass in his right hand. He grabbed Gabe by the arm and pulled him slightly further away from the crowd.

“No, are you following me?”  he wondered confused.

Balthazar scoffed. His brows drawn together in an angry line. 

“Ok ouch.” Gabe muttered with mock affront 

“You do recall who is blackmailing whom in this situation right?”  Balthazar asked. He was studying him. 

Gabriel had left his office only a few hours ago. He had given him everything he had on Jimmy, which wasn’t much.  He knew that he’d bought a bus ticket to Dallas and from there to LA. After than he lost him. 

It still ate at him. He’d failed Jimmy twice now, and he couldn't do it again. That meant he had to play nice with this arrogant prick. 

Balthazar was surprised by the other man’s sudden lack of resistance.

“I was just getting a beer, if you want I’ll leave.” 

When he’d glanced over from the bar and saw the man who had been haunting him all day he was certain that he was being followed, now he wasn't too sure. 

Balthazar took pity on him. Maybe it was a latent chemical reaction from them having sex or maybe it was the way he looked stiff like he was trying too hard to be happy. Balthazar had been there first hand, he knew the signs, but he relaxed. He’d seemed genuine about the loss of his brother. Balthazar was an only child so he didn’t quite comprehend the magnitude of the situation but he knew what it was like to have a family, no matter how small, and lose it.

“What are you drinking?” he found himself asking.

“Beer.” he responded quizzically 

Balthazar shook his head.

“Not on my watch.” 

Gabriel frowned as Balthazar drug him over to the bar. 

“Jameson, neat, for my friend here.” 

Gabriel accepted the rocks glass numbly. He followed as Balthazar walked over to a table. 

“Now” Balthazar began. “You’ve  showed me the facts. Tell me what happened”

Gabriel sat down,a change that went through. As he stared into the whiskey 

“My mother was abusive.”  the more he said the words the less he felt like he had to justify them. 

She didn’t touch him like she did Jimmy, quite the opposite in fact. She withheld every ounce of affection from him.  She treated him with complete and utter contempt, constantly setting him at odds with Jimmy, isolating jimmy while locking Gabriel out of the house, now he knew why.

He shuddered. 

“My brother asked for my help and I failed him.” 

Three years ago

The ground was wet, it made it difficult to move as he tread carefully forward with the box in hand. It was the first day of May, and he already felt like it was a fresh start for him, the rain was a sign, he’d be washed clean of this, and finally be able to be his own person.  His mother couldn’t dictate his life forever. 

He handed the box over to his friend Chuck. Who carefully packed it into the car.

“Your brother looks sad you're leaving” he commented nodding his head over towards where Jimmy was lingering by the steps. 

Gabriel turned, Jimmy sat practically hugging his knees to his chest, a forlorn look lingering on his face as he stared out into the distance. He wore a navy button up and jeans his mother got him, his hair combed out of his face. He looked just like his father.  Another wave of guilt went through him, at leaving him. He’d be fine. 

“He’s always like that.” Gabe insisted. 

His brother had always been a withdrawn person, preferring his mother’s company to that of other people. 

“He’s shy.” 

His mother said he was gifted, she constantly told him how much smarter Jimmy was than him, that she’d set Jimmy up to graduate a year early, six months sooner than himself.  he was already taking advanced level classes in junior high. His GPA was higher already than his. It didn't matter that he busted his ass off, to be valedictorian and graduate early, because she expected nothing less. Anything less would have proven to her that he was exactly what she thought he was. 

In his opinion Jimmy couldn't graduate too early. The sooner he got away from his mother the sooner he’d be forced to branch out and grow on his own. 

Jimmy had always been so meek, his mother’s control had always grated on him, but Jimmy always seemed so content to go along with whatever she wanted. Which was probably why he was her favorite. Gabe knew he shouldn’t be jealous, he knew what she was like, she was manipulative, and cold, but when he saw her with Jimmy it stung a little.

He watched as she came up behind Jimmy, rubbing his shoulder as she crouched to talk to him.She was always so loving towards him. Sometimes it felt like from the moment Jimmy was born, she stopped loving him. Nothing he did was ever good enough for her. She rarely hugged him, or told him she loved him,yet at the same time she was free with affection towards Jimmy. 

His mother must have caught him staring because she stood gracefully and approached him. He tried to guard himself against her attack, she hadn’t wanted him to leave, she’d berated him time and time again that he was being an idiot for leaving, that he’d come crawling back in a month, poor,pitiful and sad.

She had promised to take him back, but only if he begged for it. If he threw himself down in contrition, but he would never go back, could never go back to that. He would sooner starve hungry and cold on the streets. 

“Putting the nail in my coffin I see?” his mother muttered. Guilt burned him

“And James look at him, he’s a mess.” she insisted gesturing to him.

“You’re abandoning your family, just like your father.” Gabriel flinched. He almost forgot that all of his father’s faults where his faults. He never met the man, he left when his mom was three months pregnant with him… all he heard were stories.

“You're just like him, lazy and self entitled.” she sneered, she laid a soft hand on his shoulder, to anyone out of earshot they might think she was comforting him. 

“What are we going to do without your income?” she insisted.

“I’m still sending money home, mom.”  he insisted not meeting her eyes. 

“But not as much, not with your own bills.” she insisted. 

“You want James and me to suffer just because you're so intent  on moving in with your fuck buddy.” she spat. 

“He’s not, it's not like that?”

She sneered again.

“Don't think I don’t know what you’ve been doing, screwing the entire town behind my back.” besides himself he felt a flush creep up into his face. 

“Pretty soon you’ll be selling yourself on a corner, and then do you know what I won't let you come back, won't let you and your filth around Jimmy. “

“Heaven forbid I have any relationship with him at all.” he muttered feeling emboldened. 

He was leaving, he didn’t have to tiptoe around her bullshit anymore.

 She constantly set he and Jimmy at odds with each other. She kept him away from him, because she didn’t want him changing him, didn’t want him corrupting him. 

They lived in the same house, but barely had a functioning relationship with each other because of her. 

He wasn't sure if it was because she was an only child and they were the only family she had or if she was that selfish and jealous, but as much as she pushed and drove him away she always, pulled him back. He would have left in December except she got sick and wouldn't leave her bed for a week. She wouldn't let him take her to a doctor, wouldn't eat anything he brought her, wouldn't speak to him till he promised to stay till May.

She let Jimmy talk to her, she kept him in the room with her, he heard the TV constantly as they watched movies together. Jimmy could make her eat. 

He hoped that moving out would help his relationship with his brother. He hoped that maybe if she spent less time with him, she wouldn't hate him so much and maybe they could finally spend time together. 

“This is the last of it.” Chuck called out as he stepped down the stairs.

Gabe glanced over at Chuck, he wasn’t lying. 

He and Chuck they weren’t an item, maybe it was what he wanted, but it was only because he knew Chuck deserved better, but he wasn’t moving in with Chuck, that was a lie he told his mother, he didn’t have a place to live yet, but he couldn't stand another moment with his mother, for now he’d be staying in his car, till he found place. 

It was time.  He watched Chuck get into the car. 

“Hey Jimmy!” he shouted 

Summoned his brother slowly rose and walked over to him. 

“You mind if i have a moment alone with Jimmy to say goodbye or is that too much to ask?” Gabriel muttered glaring at their mother.

She hesitated, before nodding. “I’ll be on the porch.”

Gabe leaned down to hug him and felt instantly rejected as he stiffened. 

Sometimes he wondered what his mother said about him for Jimmy to be so cold towards him.

Did he believe everything she said? Would he be able to form his own opinion. 

He was going to work on it. He knew Jimmy didn’t really know him, but he wanted to. 

“You gonna miss me bucko?” he asked. Studying the sullen child before him, he tried to remember what he was like when he was twelve. 

That was the first time he drank, he snuck into the liquor cabinet and poured himself a glass of gin, it was disgusting. He tried cutting it with cherry soda, but it didn’t work. He drank half of it before he started to feel woozy and dumped the rest in the sink. As he grew he would come to resent the waste. 

“Yes,” he responded emphatically much to Gabriel’s surprised. His bottom lip was trembling, he tried to remember if he’d seen him cry before. 

He’d always been withdrawn and slightly clingy, he wouldn't play with other kids because they teased him. 

“Don’t leave.” he said suddenly surprising him. 

“I’m just moving out, I’m going to still be here.” he assured touched at his rare display of emotion.

“I don’t want you to leave me alone… with her.”

Gabriel paused. 

A strange feeling of unease went through him.

“Why not?” he asked he kept his voice hushed, 

Jimmy licked his lips 

“Um…” he murmured looking overwhelmed

“Did she hurt you?” he asked angrily

It had happened once. When Jimmy was little, he saw her with him, she was squeezing his little arm so hard twisting it behind his back,he was crying trying to pull away. 

Gabriel had shoved her, away from him. He’d been ten, Jimmy only four. She said she was trying to keep him still while she changed him and she over reacted, but the diaper had been clean.

Jimmy only blinked owlishly up at him.   

What did she do?” he tried again he still couldn't cut the fearful angry tone from his voice

He knew with his mother it could be any number of things. 

“Ssshe” he began. 

Gabriel glanced over to where his mother sat watching them from the porch she was watching them very closely taking drags on her cigarette, it was clear she was not liking the direction things were going. 

“Fucks me.” he whispered.

Gabriel felt shock and revulsion race through him.

“No.” he gasped before he could stop himself. He couldn't believe it did not want to believe it, but he knew it made sense. How quiet and withdrawn he was, his insecurity.

No one one made that kind of thing up.

She was walking over to them. Her expression was uncertain 

He knew that if she thought Jimmy told him anything she would hurt Jimmy, as much as he wanted to he couldn't take Jimmy with him tonight.  He knew she wouldn't let him, short of snatching him here and now and running there was nothing he could do. 

“Listen to me you didn't tell me anything Ok” he insisted 

He could tell the moment the words left his mouth Jimmy took them the wrong way. 

He swallowed several time visibly shaking as he did so.

He coughed fighting back a sob. 

Gabriel  moved to explain when she arrived placing a light hand on Jimmy’s shoulder. 

Gabriel tried to school his features, but every touch now looked insidious,because it was. 

Jimmy didn’t pull that word from nowhere. She must have said it to him. 

“Whats going on?” she asked her tone was sharp

Jimmy hissed as she placed her hand on him.

“Has James been fibbing again?” she asked. Her tone was so light and offhanded it made him want to puke. She had done some terrible things to him in the past but all her poison wasn't worth any of this for Jimmy. 

“No, he was just saying how he would miss me and how I'm going to help him out with  _ something very soon _ .”  he hoped he got his point across but he feared he didn’t Jimmy was staring into nothing clearly lost in the turmoil of his own thoughts. 

The moment he got in the car he would call 911, someone would be here to take Jimmy away from her.

“Why don’t you go play inside Jimmy while I say goodbye to your brother.” 

She said quietly. Jimmy looked grateful for the excuse to leave and he ran into the house his pain broke his heart. Gabriel had no idea how long the abuse went on, but it was happening beneath his nose, the guilt was forming knots in his stomach. 

She waited till Jimmy was out of earshot. 

She stepped up to him. Taking a deep drag on her cigarette.

“I’ll tell them it was you.”  she finally said as she blew smoke into his eyes.

It stung as he inhaled it choking back a cough.

“What?” he demanded. 

“If you tell anyone, I’ll tell him that it was you who’s been touching him.” 

Gabriel could only stare at her audacity.

“Who are they gonna believe huh? His mother or the bisexual deviant who’s been fucking half the city?”

“Jimmy will tell the truth.” he murmured blankly.

She moved faster that he expected shoving the butt of her cigarette into his arm just above his elbow. He pulled away surprised. 

“Jimmy will say whatever I tell him to.”

Chuck opened the car door when he heard him scream.  Gabriel remained silent.  

“Now leave and don’t come back.” 


	2. "I am certain of nothing but the holiness of the heart's affections, and the truth of imagination

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am not in the military and only have a cursory understanding of both the military and prison systems so most of my info is from the internet. so sorry if it isn't 100% accurate for those more familiar with the topics. 
> 
> slight spoilers if you haven't finished season 11

Chuck Shurley considered himself a pretty normal guy. He’d moved to Los angeles with his best friend when he was twenty three, Gabe was only nineteen. Both of them brimming with big dreams. His dream specifically was becoming a screenwriter. When that failed horribly he settled and then settled some more and wound up writing trashy paranormal homoerotic fiction. Overall he was average sometimes bordering on the point of being boring. He glanced over at the dance floor. Seth had traded out the redhead for a blond, but seemed equally as pleased grinding against him. Rather than continue to punish himself he turned his gaze over towards where Gabe was talking to Balthazar.  He was leaning in his fingers curled around his glass, Balthazar had shifted from angry to sympathetic. Gabe had a gift, he could entice a nun out of her habit,seduce a saint.  If he was being brutally honest Chuck didn’t consider himself particularly creative sexually. Sure he had fantasies and they reflected in his work, but much of his inspiration came from Gabe’s not his own sexual exploits.  Partially because his own history was a little thin. Seth was technically the second guy he’d been with, his first experience had ended so badly it had left him more than happy to settle with fantasies for years. He’d met Gabe his senior year when the brazen freshman walked right up to him at his locker. Chuck had been standing there his hands full of books and Gabe hand reached around him pulling him close inspecting his shirt tag. Chuck had been so stunned that he hadn’t reacted .Then Gabe pulled back with a cheeky grin and a wink before proclaiming just as he thought made in heaven.  

Then he aggressively spent the rest of the semester trying to get into his pants, but became his best friend instead. Chuck didn’t really take it too personally then, or even now. Gabe wanted to fuck everybody, it was his not too healthy coping mechanism from dealing with his psychotic mother. 

He glanced back over at Seth, Chuck couldn’t be sure, but it felt like he was showing off for him, the redhead from before had returned sandwiching Seth between him and the blond. Chuck sighed heavily. The only reason he’d came out tonight was because Gabe had practically begged him to, plus he offered to pay for the beers. He wasn’t exactly making bank as a writer, he was much closer to breaking it than making it, he usually picked his alcohol choices on alcohol percentage by price.  He wanted to leave, but was debating on having another beer on Gabe before he left, not that he had much going on. All that waited for him at home was a week old box of merlot, and the emails from his publisher reminding him that he had a proposal due. 

He glanced at his watch. In four hours.  He really should just go home. The real reason he came out with Gabe tonight was that he was fresh out of ideas. Writing was hard, and writing erotica was harder when you weren't getting some on the regular. Not that he’d done his best work when he was with Seth. It had been a bit derivative. His last project was over a year ago and it had tanked, he’d had over six months to work on this proposal and opening chapters and he had absolutely nothing. 

He was pondering the mechanics of writing good erotic fiction when a server plopped a beer down before him. 

he turned to leave 

“Um. excuse me?” He turned back to him his  hand resting on his hip brow raised. 

“I didn’t order anything.” he admitted 

“Guy in the jacket from the bar sent it over.”  Chuck glanced over searing for the man in question had his back to him, all he could see was the back of his head over his black canvas cargo jacket.

His expression must have been one of disbelief because the server continued.

“Yeah I was surprised too.”he murmured with a wry twitch of his lips. “Cheers.” he added with a shrug.

Chuck frowned. He stared down at the beer on the table. It was a local craft beer as opposed to the swill he usually drank.  He wondered what something like this cost. I mean it wasn’t like the man bought him a fifty dollar drink, but it was easily over ten dollars. Was he supposed to go over there? Did he refuse if he wasn’t interested? How did he know he wasn't interested if he didn’t go over there from here all he could see was the back of the guys head. 

Chuck was surprised that he was halfway across the room before he really had made a firm decision to go over. 

The man was leaning over talking to the man next to him at the bar. The other man was a handsome african american man he was turned partially towards him his foot propped up on the dark haired man’s bar stool. Suggesting they were friends possibly intimate friends. He wore a soft looking blue jean overshirt that looked like it had been worn in the old fashioned way versus a lot of distressed clothes now days. Beneath it he wore a light grey thermal long sleeve shirt. 

He glared as Chuck approached. Making him have second thoughts about walking over.

“Ah…” he began the men continued talking the second man seemingly more than happy to ignore him. 

Chuck licked his lips trying again, cursing his inner hermit for his social anxiety.

“Um...Excuse me?” 

The man in question set his beer down and turned to him and Chuck’s stomach hit the floor. 

He looked like fucking superman, chiseled jaw, wide pliant lips pale blue grey eyes dark brows, just the barest hint of a five o'clock shadow. His dark hair was cut on the shorter end leaving only an inch or two at the top combed back,  He grinned showing a flash of straight white teeth. 

His eyes swept over him. 

Chuck knew what he looked like. His face wasn’t unsymmetrical, he had a straight jaw, covered with a beard that he was in need of a trim, the color slightly darker than his mousy brown hair, which was also wild at the moment. Windswept would be an appropriate description of his look,bedraggled also suited him. He’d been told he had kind blue eyes, but he also had faint laugh lines at the corners of them at twenty five, not to mention the bags and dark circles from his poor sleeping habits.  

He didn’t say anything which made Chuck even more nervous. Chuck licked his lips again.

“Thanks.” he murmured raising the beer up in case he was uncertain why he thanked him.

The man hadn’t stopped smiling at him, but a puzzled expression crossed his face.

“For what?” he asked.  

Chuck swallowed nervously. 

At that moment the server tapped his shoulder leaning in.

“Not that guy,” he said quickly. Turning him slightly so that he was looking at Gabe where he sat with Balthazar.

“That guy.” 

Chuck felt his heart lurch back into his chest from where it lingered down near his toes. 

“Oooh.” he squeaked. 

He turned back to the other man. 

“There seems to… ah...have been a miscommunication.” 

He gave a half hearted little smile. 

The other man must have taken pity on him he extended his hand .

“I’m Michael.”

“Chuck.” 

His hand was warm and calloused bordering on hot in his own. He held it maybe a moment longer than civility dictated. 

The other man took advantage of his hesitation pulling him closely. He whispered in his ear just loud enough for only him to hear.

“For the record, I’d buy you a drink” his breath ghosted across his cheek, he smelled like old spice and whiskey. 

Chuck released his hand and turned quickly back to his table bringing the bottle to his lips chugging it quickly. 

That was as spicy and awkward as his life ever got.

***

Michael Cohen watched as the stranger walked back to the his table. “That was awkward.” Raphael muttered with disdain as he brought his drink up to take a sip. He was ten years older than him and of the opinion that meeting people in a bar was vulgar, but Michael didn’t know anyone else in town.

Michael didn’t reply he simply turned back to the bar. He could still see the other man in the reflection of the mirror behind the bar. He watched the man chug half the beer as he walked back to the table. He actually thought it was cute. He’d never had problems finding partners, but no one had looked at him like that before… like he was so far out of his league….Maybe one person, but it had been a very long time. 

At the end of the bar someone popped open a bottle of champagne, the sound made him tense. He purposefully tried to relieve the tension in his muscles hoping that Raphael didn’t notice. 

He failed.

The man was looking at him with pity in his eyes.

“It fades man.”  

Michael shook out his hand from where he’d had it clenched at his side. He was here celebrating. He’d made it home. Now he just needed to figure out what he wanted to do with the rest of his life.It was a difficult adjustment. He’d joined the army right after he graduated at seventeen. Now eight years later he was ending his second term, normally he’d still have two years of inactive duty left if he hadn’t been placed on disability. 

As if on cue his shoulder pain flared to life. He clenched his teeth against the sudden pain. He needed to call the VA, he’d been on hold for most of the day, but if he was lucky maybe he’d be able to get into the doctor again. He was having trouble sleeping on top of the pain, but he was leary to get a prescription for sleep aids. 

When he first joined the army Raphael had taken him beneath his wing, and showed him the ropes. They were very different people but when he’d spent his whole life living in another man’s shadow and was perfectly fine doing it again following Raphael.  Don’t ask don't tell had been the mantra till about a year ago, and at that point Michael didn’t feel like talking.  Raphael was they type of gay man who hated other gay men.  He was critical of everything. they way people dressed, they way they talked, how much they exercised. There was no pleasing the man and he made sure everyone knew it. If Michael was being honest he wasn’t certain that Raphael liked anyone. He wasn’t even sure he liked his own boyfriend Uriel, but they’d been together for as long as Michael had known him.

If for no other reason he was grateful to Raphael for that at least. If it wasn’t for him, he might still be closeted and filled with self hatred. He’d gone into the army at his father’s insistence… he’d done a lot of things when he was a kid at his father’s insistence. Now the old man was dead and his praise felt cold and empty as his ashes. 

If he was being brutally honest, he was lonely, and he couldn't keep laying the blame for that on the old man’s feet. He’d followed the plan he laid out for him faithfully, he’d joined up when he was just a kid really. He did as he was told he went in for his Military Occupational Specialty 

Choosing to work 31K as a  Military Working Dog Handler. He never regretted the service that he did. He regretted that it wasn’t his choice. 

He continued his conversation with Raphael but he had to admit his heart wasn’t in it. He’d rather be home, even if it was cold and empty than here fake smiling. 

He kept glancing over at the stranger from before. He was on his third beer now. It seemed he hadn’t quite recovered from his faux pas. He hadn’t so much as lifted his eyes up from his beer in the past twenty minuets. Michael had to admit, he wasn’t normally his type. He was shy, quiet, awkward. He was cute. It made Michael want to strip him bare just to fluster him and see that blush creep back into his face, then fuck him. He was attractive that was true, but he usually chose someone who challenged him. Two alphas dogs led to the best and shortest lived of his relationships.He loved that fire that competition to stay on top… sometimes literally.  Maybe that was a sign he should change, he hadn’t had a relationship last longer than six months since he was sixteen, they were pure fire and short fuses. Part of it was discretion,but a big part of it was he didn’t know how to do it any other way. He found himself wondering if this guy fucked differently than the guys he’d been with in the past.

Most of his sexual experience had been hurried, either at home when he couldn’t come out or in the military when he couldn’t be out either. 

“You’re not even listening.” Raphael finally muttered disgusted  as he pushed his empty glass away from him. 

Michael couldn’t form a reply because it was true he hadn’t been listening. 

Raphael stood clapping him on his back as he did so.

“I think it’s time I head on home. Leave the night to the single blokes.” he paused again his face growing uncharastically soft.

“I’m glad you’re home, I’ll send over that information about applying to the force.”

Michael nodded.

“I think it would be a good fit for you.” Raphael added he was studying him. Maybe his lack of sleep was starting to show on his face because he swore he could almost see worry on his friends face. 

“Don’t do anything I wouldn’t do.” he teased gesturing to the crowd.

“If I did that I’d die alone.”  Michael admitted.

The other man simply smirked. 

***

Chuck wanted to crawl into a ditch somewhere and die, and that was before he got the text from his editor.  

Becky was all over his ass the get the next pitch. 

He told her he’d email it when he got home… meaning he’d write it when he got home. He still had no idea what he wanted to write about. 

He’d been in the slow but surprisingly satisfying process of peeling the label off his beer when someone approached him blocking the light from the bar.

“If you’re done celebrating can we go home?” he asked focusing on removing the label in one piece. 

“I’ve got to…” he stopped dead in his tracks as he glanced up to see that it wasn't 

Gabriel returning to the table but in fact the stranger from before… Michael? 

“That’s a little fast don’t you think.”

“I… I thought you were my roommate.” Chuck stuttered out. 

“What Mr. flirtatious over there?” he asked still with a strange teasing tone. He wasn’t talking to Balthazar any longer he was hanging off the arm of someone at the bar. 

“Yeah that would be Gabriel.”  Chuck agreed meekly. 

“I’m Michael.” the man said reminding him.

“I’mmm stillll Chuck.” he muttered self consciously drawing out the words running his hand over the back of his neck.

Michael chuckled, Chuck hadn’t meant it as a joke but he couldn't regret making that man smile.  

He sat down at the table with him surprising him.

“So what do you do Chuck?”

“I…” chuck cleared his throat.

“I’m a writer.” he finished softly.

“Oh really, anything I’d know?”

“P..probably not. No.” he continued inelegantly 

He seriously doubted that he or anyone really had read his latest flop  _ Tied up in the male. _ A stunningly explicit musing on what the package delivery drivers did in their spare time while in the back of the trucks. He was really running out of ideas. 

“I have a very specific audience. Mostly female readers actually.”

“Like cookbooks or something?” he wondered

Chuck ignored the vaguely sexist nature of the other man’s comment mostly because he didn't want to explain.

“Something like that.” he conceded.

“What about you?” he asked out of politeness. 

He was stunned that not only was this incredibly hot guy still talking to him, he’d joined him at his table and didn’t seem ready to leave any time soon. 

“Army… “he admitted proudly before continuing “... well just got out.” 

That explained the haircut. 

“Thank you for your service.” Chuck replied awkwardly. 

Uncertain what he was meant to say.

He startled a chuckle out of the other man. 

He studied him.

“Are you always this awkward?”

“Constantly.” he agreed. 

He took a sip of his beer.

“Good to know.” 

“Are you always this straightforward?” 

He wondered. His face hardened.

“I don’t like games.” he admitted. 

Chuck wasn’t sure what to say to that so he chose instead to take a sip of his beer. 

He drained it. 

“Do you want to have dinner with me?” he asked. 

Chuck was grateful that he had swallowed his sip of beer otherwise he was sure he would have spat it out back in the man’s face out of sheer surprise.

“Like a date?” he asked he knew it sounded a bit redundant but he had enough missteps with this man he wanted to be certain.

“Yeah, like a date.” he agreed his voice was a rich rumble. He seemed pleasantly drunk but not completely plastered. So Chuck didn’t think he was taking advantage of him there. 

“Now?” he squeaked out. The man chuckled again.

“Tomorrow soon enough for you?” he teased.

Chuck swallowed thickly. 

“Sure.”

***

Chuck walked home after that. Feeling flustered and guilty, but he really had to finish that pitch or Becky might murder him. She could do it, she knew where he lived after all. The walk helped clear his head a little, he was maybe twenty feet before he started to doubt again. Michael probably just thought he was an easy lay cause he was awkward and that was why he wanted to go out with him.  It had happened before, he went out with a guy and in twenty minutes they were feeling him up and calling him a tease when he said no, and he usually did. Say no. 

Seth was the first guy he’d gotten close to in a long time and that had blown up in his face as well. Still if nothing else he was getting a bit of inspiration for his story. He knew for a fact that one of the main guys was going to be tall dark and classically handsome soldier. Maybe even an angel? His best work did tend to focus on the paranormal. Maybe because it was more fun that reality. 

The walk really wasn’t that far which was why, they chose that particular bar. 

It was low key and close. It was the furthest chuck really wanted to go out after eight. He was boring after all.  Chuck had given up on waiting for Gabriel it was likely he’d already forgotten his presence, and was focused on getting laid. 

He was running story idea’s in his head. He’d never written a story about an angel before, the idea was ruminating in his head. He liked the idea, vampires and werewolves were a little passe now after all. 

Once he got to his apartment complex he turned towards the middle of the complex where the mailboxes where. 

He was expecting a package. Sometimes he got demo’s sent in the mail so that he could write about particular bondage or kink toys. He honestly wasn’t sure if it was a voluntary basis from the company or if Becky browbeat them into it, in an effort to spur his writing forward.

Today he had no idea what was waiting for him . He figured he should pick it up from the drop box before he went to write just incase it gave him any inspiration. 

Usually if the package was small enough they would just place it in the drop box on the side of the other boxes. If it was bigger they hand delivered it to the door and usually someone had to sign for it.  Once when no one was home Becky had delivered a fucking fuck bench to his place when no one was home that had waited in the office for him all day, the product clearly on display on the cover of the box. So he usually went as quickly as possible to pick up his items. 

He opened his box looking for the key to the side boxes instead of the key he found a handwritten note.

He lived in 313 and apparently his box had gotten delivered to 213 by mistake. 

Panic filled him. He wasn’t exactly sure what Becky had sent him this time or what type of packaging might be displayed. 

Without thinking of the time he made his way over to apartment 213.

It was a little late for a house call, it was after ten, but the thought of some family having a box with his clawed expanding anal dilator or what ever the fuck Becky ordered him sitting on someone’s table over night where their kids and elderly grandmothers could see it left him unsettled. 

He arrived at 213 and knocked only belatedly realizing that he was half drunk and it was almost eleven o’clock.

He could here someone moving around inside. 

He knew it was a cruel irony that someone who wrote erotic novels for a living was embarrassed by sex in real life. He knew it was perfectly natural even with accoutrements, but he already knew he was blushing. He could feel the warmth in his face. 

Suddenly the door opened and Chuck felt his face flame even hotter.

The man was leaning on the door frame, he was shirtless, tattooed and devilishly handsome, and Chuck wasn’t one to throw that around lightly. He was tall, at 5’7 a lot of people were taller than Chuck, but he was easily six feet. The tattoos covered his arms and a portion of his chest. Chuck was trying to avoid staring, but he noticed an angel with a spear on the man’s right arm.

His hair was sandy brownish blonde artfully spiked, his eyes pale blue. He had a mischievous look about him maybe it was the smirk that teased at the side of his mouth or the mirth that lingered in his eyes. 

“You must be 313.” he murmured his voice was soft and measured which surprised him. 

Chuck nodded nervously his hands clasped in front of him. 

“Come on in.” the man gestured. He didn’t move out of the doorway entirely he still filled the frame he only stepped aside enough for Chuck to walk past him.

Chuck stepped into the sparse apartment. It looked like he was in the processes of moving in. there were a few boxes piled in the space between the living room and the kitchen, but not a lot. Most of the space was empty. A blanket was laid out on the floor and a bag of fast food rested on it besides a box of white wine. It looked like he’d caught him in the middle of a carpet picnic.

Chuck was surprised when he closed the door. Stepping into the kitchen.

“Can I get you something to drink?” he asked. Only seemingly remembering once he entered the kitchen his limited options

“I’ve got wine and tap water.”  he finished with a frown.

Chuck had to admit he was a bit nervous,

“Uh I’m fine.” he insisted it wasn’t that the guy looked untrustworthy Chuck wasn’t that much of a judgy person, it's just he needed to get home. He’d just gotten an amazing idea for what to write about. 

The man frowned softly. 

“Forgive the mess.” he insisted trying again. 

“Just got into town.”  Chuck nodded he could tell.

He straightened the top box as if it changed how sparse and unlived in the apartment seemed. 

“Haven’t really gotten any furniture.”

“But you’ve got a guitar.” Chuck pointed out gesturing to the red acoustic guitar that sat in the corner of the living room.

He grinned slightly.

“Do you play?” he asked.

Chuck blushed.

“I dabble.”  he admitted. 

“Help yourself.” he insisted gregariously. Chuck had to sell his guitar to make ends meet, while he had plenty of sex toys and furniture thanks to Becky there wasn’t exactly a market for selling second hand sex toys even if he’d never really used them, most of them were wedged into his closet still in their boxes.

Chuck moved unsurely.  He hefted the blood red guitar, strumming it lightly to get a feel. It was still in tune. 

Lucifer watched as the stranger plucked idly at his guitar for a few moments. He could tell that he was itching to play a song, but refrained. 

It occurred to him that this situation was a strange one, but he was just drunk enough not to care. It was nice to be able to drink booze that wasn’t made in someone’s toilet. Let alone enjoy the company of a stranger without fear of being stabbed or jumped or worse... 

He knew his prison experience didn’t match everyone’s but he was normally a leary person and that only added to his unease.. The bus ride here from San Quentin he’d been jumpy the entire time. He enjoyed the solitude and the privacy, at first. Now it was too quiet. Sitting alone in his empty apartment. He’d sunk every dime into his studio so his apartment would likely stay this bare for a while to come.

He missed the noise. The sounds of other people, he’d grown used to it. So when the man came for his package wound up being this cute unassuming man he found he wanted to know more, he was curious, the man was not what he expected, if he was being brutally honest. He was bored. His life had been a ridged structure for the last eight years and now finally he had freedom, he could do whatever he wanted, and yet he found himself sitting at home on a friday night his only company a box of wine and a bag of fast food.  He was lonely. He forgot how to simply be with other people. He had no idea if the man was gay, but given what box arrived on his doorstep this afternoon he had a fair chance that the man was. Charles had been the name on the box Charles Shurley, but he didn’t look like a Charles.

The man begun to play just a few chords at first strumming then he started to sing and Lucifer felt something he hadn’t felt in a long time. Kinship. His eyes were closed as he sung almost as if he couldn't face the audience 

“ _ If I--i had wings like Noah's doovve _ … “ he crooned softly. Growing more confident. 

_ “I--'d fly up the riverr to the one I--i loovve _ ” Lucifer watched transfixed by the emotion he put into the words. 

_ “Faare theee wellll, Oooh honney, faare thee welll. _

He strummed the guitar seemingly lost in his own world as the music flowed through him. 

“ _ I knew a maan, who was loong and taall _ ” he drawled 

“ _ Hee moved his boddy, like a cannonbaall _ ” he rocked his hips forward slightly as he sung sensuously it was an unconscious motion but it drew his attention to his body. 

He was smaller than him, by several inches, his bright eyes held an innocence that he’d not seen in a long time. Maybe he was jaded, but he didn’t think it existed anymore. Not necessarily a sexual innocence judging from the box he’d received but more than that. A naivety of human nature. 

_ “Ooh...Faare thee wellll, ooh honey, faare thee well.” _

He was disappointed when the man suddenly stopped. His eyes fluttering open. 

“I really need to be going.” he murmured. Self consciously 

“I’ve got to get back to work.” he kept his eyes trained on the floor. 

Lucifer couldn't keep his mouth shut any longer. 

“What in God’s name is a Zeus Electrosex Deep Intruder.” he asked the topic that had been prevalent on his mind the entire time.

He watched as the other man paled visibly. 

“W-what?” he demanded his voice coming out little more that a thready squeak.

Lucifer went back to bedroom where he set the box aside where no one would see it. 

He set the box down on the pile of boxes before him.

The thin box was over a foot long. 

The picture on the side at first looked like a black police baton a thin silvery metal plate ran along it’s length  the grip similar to the handle of a bicycle, at the tip was a cockhead.

“Jesus fucking christ!” the man choked out.

“That's what I said.” Lucifer concurred, nodding amused by the man’s flustered face.

“And here I thought I was adventurous.”  he added with a brow raise. 

The man looked like he was about to pass out as he stared at the penetrative device.

“God damn it Becky!”  he swore stepping away from the box as if he couldn't stand to look at it.

Strangely he felt a sense of disappointment

“Your wife?” he asked.

“My editor.” he corrected offhandedly  

“You’re a writer?” he asked he studied him his unkempt graceless demeanor and wild imaginative eyes  it fit. 

He nodded seemingly incapable of speaking

“Sex toy reviewer?” he asked hazarding a guess with a slight leer. It was fun pushing this man’s buttons. It was fun flirting again,it made him feel human again. 

“I write homoerotic novels.” he said quickly apparently deciding that the truth was preferable to whatever he might guess next. 

“And this is what a free sample?” he  asked holding the box suspended between his hand making the dance two and fro before him. 

“Its none of your business.” he insisted snatching the box away holding the box to his chest. The tip just below his chin. 

He seemed to realize and dropped his hands to his side, bringing the box with him. 

“That's true.” he conceded.

“Just trying to decide if it’d give me competition if I asked you out on a date.”

The stunned expression on the other man’s face was worth it.

“Like a date date?” he asked 

“Is there any other kind?” he wondered.

The man shook his head as if trying to clear it.

“You don’t even know my name?”

“Charles, right?” he 

The man’s eyes widened 

“It was on the exterior box.”

“You opened my mail?”

“Thought it was mine.” he admitted.

“It’s Chuck.” he corrected unsteadily.

“Lucifer.” extending his hand.

“But I'm no angel.” he teased with a wink.

His name was Lucien Pellegrino but it had been Lucifer for so long that it was second nature and well worth the stares. 

Chuck couldn't believe what was happening. He wasn’t sure if maybe he hit his head somewhere, or maybe he was having a stroke, but he didn’t smell toast. 

The half naked sexiest man he’d ever had the pleasure to share a room with literally said his name was Lucifer. It was perfect. The idea had lept into his head when he first walked into the apartment. The angel and the devil. It was classic. Not only that he wanted to go on a date with him. Also. 

Did he somehow stumble into an alternative universe where unassuming and normal was the new hot. He knew brainy was the new sexy but he wasn’t even that smart if he was being honest. 

“Um… sure.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I chose the song that Chuck/God sung in "Don't Call Me Shurley" that was the spoiler I mentioned not sure if it counts.
> 
> Zeus Electrosex Deep Intruder is a real product. you can probably get it at extreme restraints .com if you want but its not cheap. in my head Becky is this heiress who wants to see certain stories and is basically making Chuck create porn for her lol.

**Author's Note:**

> Sorry if you came here for the Chuck/ Michael/ Lucifer might have to wait a bit still working on that.
> 
> Your comments mean the world to me. They keep me motivated. Us writers are a needy bunch


End file.
